My Sensual Life

Open Letter About Female Orgasms

Yes, we want them. That is, we think we want them. Maybe it’s been so long we forget if we want them or not.

I never thought that I wasn’t enjoying it without having an orgasm. If you believe the literature, a generation ago, a large percentage of female adults simply didn’t experience orgasms - what are we to make of THAT? Is it that they were too shy to admit to researchers what exactly they were or weren’t doing in the bedroom. Maybe men at the time were less sensitive and didn’t care whether or not if their partners had serious female orgasms - the forget where you are or what time of day it is kind.

Read the rest of this entry »

The Ancient Chinese Sex Masters and My Husband

Did you know that the ancient Chinese were familiar with (duh) and documented (hmm) dozens of sexual positions? We’re talking 1500 years ago ancient. Some of them were from a book called The Secret Instructions of the Jade Chamber. Not so hard to figure out what the allusion is there. And I must say that Sky-Soaring Butterfly sounds better than ‘woman on top’. My favorite though? The Cat and the Mouse Sharing One Cave. Can you guess what that refers to? A threesome. Those clever Chinese. Read the rest of this entry »

Too tired for foreplay…

We understand why men ignore foreplay. It speaks volumes about their primal need for immediate gratification and satisfying of ego (and their lack of patience). I ask myself sometimes, does foreplay actually intensify orgasms? I guess the answer is sometimes yes, and sometimes no. If you’ve got 3 kids running around on a Sunday morning, there’s no time for foreplay - and I’m OK with that, so stop apologizing. We know that all of the experts say to take more time you’ll “gain more satisfaction.” And if we’ve got the time, all of that teasing and movie-scene stuff is sensual, fun, playful. We get it. Believe it or not, sometimes we “need it” too. Ecstasy - don’t need it every time. Sexual frustration - got it all the time.

Pleasure Seeker Laments: Sexual Boredom

Why do attempts at spicing up tired love-lives so often end up making us even more uncomfortable? We follow what we know, what know feels good, after all - man (woman) is inherently a pleasure-seeker. As couples, there are so many obstacles to breaking out of the rut that has somehow made sex an unimaginable bore.

Even bringing up the topic with my husband used to make him squeamish. You want to try THAT? What are we 18? Maybe it’s his deep rooted insecurities or maybe he just didn’t care.

I’m not looking for masks and trapezes or horse whips or even someone else. I was thinking toys, oils, massages. He was thinking he would lie on his left side instead of his right.