My Sensual Life

A Solo Orgasm - Selfish and Satisfying

Here’s some advice that is seldom given but truly important. It’s what I call a “solo orgasm.” No, it’s not sex by yourself, it’s when one partner brings the other to a climax, without taking anything in return. My friend Margo explains:

I was sitting at my desk at home, going through the bills one Saturday afternoon. Carl came in. He took hold of me and led me to the bedroom. on the bed he stripped off my skirt and panites and threw open my legs. Then, for half an hour, he just concentrated on giving me oral sex. I protested a bit at first––but, what the heck, it felt incredible. He kept on me with his tongue and two fingers inside of me, until I orgasmed - hard and explosively AND without the guilt associated with not coming at the same time as him. Normally, men want something in return. I geared up for it but he left the room and said he’d wait for his pleasure later, which of course, I was glad to give.

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Two Vital Ingredients of Successful Sex

The two vital ingredients of successful sex for women who have trouble climaxing are often overlooked or taken for granted: namely rhythm and concentration. We have said again and again that in the early stages of learning to have an orgasm, it is simply not enough to “lie back and relax.” Until you are really proficient in achieving orgasm, you must put a little thought and effort into it.

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Anatomy of an Orgasm

Just before I come, there’s this slight pause as if I’m on the edge, just about to gall over but not quite making it. It’s almost like the drawing in of breath before a sneeze. i know what I’m in for and I’m desperate fore it to happen, and desperate to prolong it, and I know I can’t stop it and that II have just a brief second to wait … and then I’m falling. It starts in my groin, a touch of pure , agonizing pleasure which suddenly pours forth and grips me for an instant, and then submerges me in a sea of release.

Faking Explosive Orgasms - How Good are You?

I know there are split camps on this issue. Feminist viewpoint is clearly articulated as “if he doesn’t satisfy, tell him, or get rid of him or tell him and then get rid of him.” It’s not that simple, articulates the other view. Faking orgasm in a relationship is not always intended as a major deception. Sometimes it begins as a temporary measure or as in my friend Allison’s case (from her journal, not mine):

“When larry and I first met I didn’t want to disappoint him. I loved him a lot, he turned me on, and I was sure it was only a matter of days before I had an explosive orgasm. The trouble was, the days turned into weeks, then months. The orgasm never happened. How could I tell him I’d been pretending all along? I had to keep it up. Then, I began to feel resentful. “

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Masturbation in a semi-public place: orgasm ecstasy

I know what you’re thinking. “You’ve got to be out of your mind!” Maybe, but listen up: Try it. Start with the restroom or your cubicle or in the library. Just exert a little pressure in the right place and bam, the thrill of hearing other voices or the possibility of being caught is just the thing you need to bring yourself to a quick climax. I used to do it in the movies, where I lift my skirt unobserved.

Once, a handsome stranger sat next to me (there were maybe 50 people in the whole theater) while I was pleasuring myself. I sat up quickly, mortified beyond belief. I wasn’t sure he knew what I was doing until without taking his eyes off the film, he slowly reached down under my skirt. I jerked away instantly, but then looked over to see this handsome, powerful and well-groomed gentleman eager to assist. So, very slowly, I succumbed to the pleasure of it with a stranger in a public venue. It was the most powerful orgasm I’ve ever had. Too bad I never saw him again.

Female Orgasm Facts (and theories)

Step 1: Insert part A into part B, rotate gently 30 degrees and snap into place. Wouldn’t it be great if having an orgasm was as easy as following a set of instructions in a manual? Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on your point of view, it’s not so simple. Think first of all the physical aspects of the equation that differ, body size, type, sensitivity - and then think of some other external factors that come into play; stress, your partner, your state of mind.

A lot of things have to fall into place for my orgasmic experience to come to life. I don’t even mean candles or soft lighting, though they’re nice. I mean, do i have the time to relax sufficiently to be in the moment, to enjoy the experience fully whether it’s with a partner or by myself? Do I (or does he) have the right tools, equipment, etc. to do the job? (see step 1). And most importantly, do I have to worry about the sound that my scream makes for fear of someone in uniform showing up at my door?

It’s easy to see why people are curious about orgasms because of the way in which they’re portrayed in films (mainstream or ‘other’), books, magazine articles, etc. Let’s get serious - orgasms sell. Why do you think that there are 100 different articles or ebooks on that very topic? Have you ever been tempted to purchase, “How to Bring Your Woman to Screaming Orgasmic Fantasy Using Only Garden Tools or Lawn Adornments?” [more tomorrow].

Wanted: Sex, Orgasms not Required

Has your husband ever persuaded or convinced you to have sex when you didn’t want? I mean other than to get him to shut up, have you ever relented? “What’s he gotta do,” he asks me? I tell him that if he kept his mouth shut he’d be swattin’ away sex offers. How do I get him to have sex when he’s ambivalent? I stroke him between 9 or 10am on a Sunday morning. I’ve heard that this is when men’s testosterone levels are very high. So, he wants to know why it’s not good enough the other way around? I’ve told him a hundred thousand times, we need sensual stimulation before the sexual. I think he’s still looking that up on Wikipedia.

I don’t need to have an orgasm every time. Am I different than all other females? Is a kiss on the neck or a nibble in the ear too much to ask? Other authorities tell us to spend quality time building up the final act. I don’t have that kind of time. Again, it takes me a while to have the big O, but my Jade Chamber needs to be polished once in a while.